“According to excerpts from Sarah Palin’s memoir, ‘Going Rogue,’ the former vice presidential nominee says her infamous Katie Couric interview went so poorly because Couric was badgering, had a partisan agenda, and asked questions.” – Seth Meyers
“Sarah Palin is gonna be on Oprah Winfrey’s show on Monday. Well, not to be outdone, John McCain is going on ‘The Oz’ show to get a prostate exam.” – Jay Leno
“In her new book, Sarah Palin claims that before John McCain chose her as his running mate, his campaign spent $50,000 on a background check. Yeah. When he heard this, John McCain said, we should have spent $75,000.” – Conan O’Brien
“Finally, excerpts from Sarah Palin’s new book are starting to leak out to the internet. There’s some really shocking stuff in there, complete sentences, proper grammar, really shocking stuff.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Fox News made a big announcement, they announced that they are not interested in hiring outspoken anti-immigration anchor Lou Dobbs. Yeah, yeah. Also not interested in hiring Lou Dobbs, the band Los Lobos.” – Conan O’Brien
“CNN announced today that political reporter John King will replace Lou Dobbs. King said, ‘I’m excited to report about the political landscape, and Dobbs said, ‘I am excited to report my landscaper to immigration.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Hey, you guys, it’s Friday the 13th. A lot of people are superstitious about the number 13. President Franklin Roosevelt refused to travel on the 13th of every month, would never host 13 guests at a dinner party, either. And President Bush wasn’t allowed to see any movie rated PG-13.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Today happens to be Friday the 13th. In fact, this is the third Friday the 13th of 2009 already. I blame Obama for that. We never had three Friday the 13ths under President Bush.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“We’re learning more and more details about the confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. She told Latina magazine [that] the White House told her to paint her fingernails a neutral shade and wear small size earrings during the confirmation. But, see, that’s not unusual. That’s the same thing Fox tells Ryan Seacrest every week.” – Jay Leno
“Did you hear this? Germany will send 120 soldiers to northern Afghanistan to help fight the Taliban. And out of habit, France surrendered.” –Jimmy Fallon
