Political Irony

“President Obama and his lovely wife Michelle are in Copenhagen and they’re making a pitch to bring the 2016 Olympics to Chicago. Barack Obama is … unusual. I mean, here the guy is on a business trip, with his wife. I mean, what is that?” – David Letterman

“President Obama is now in Denmark to lobby for Chicago to be awarded the 2016 Summer Olympic Games. The head of the IOC, the International Olympic Committee, he says that they will not be swayed by the Obama visit. They said they’re going to weigh all the bribes, kickbacks, and secret favors equally.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama is on the road, you guys. His first stop was Geneva, where he held his talks with Iranian diplomats about Iran’s nuclear weapons program, or as Iran is saying, ‘What nuclear weapons program?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“But now, Obama is in Copenhagen. He’s trying to get the Olympics in Chicago, while Iran is getting ready to nuke the world. This could explain Obama’s new Secret Service code name, ‘President Bush.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Dick Cheney is all excited about the 2016 Olympics. He’s really looking forward to the freestyle waterboarding.” – David Letterman

“Well, President Obama announced a plan to spend $5 billion on science and cutting-edge medical research, or, as Fox calls that, ‘socialism.'” – Jay Leno

“No, actually, experts say this $5 billion project of President Obama’s could lead to the development of dozens of life-saving medical treatments that your insurance company could one day turn you down for.” – Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin’s new autobiography doesn’t come out until November, but it is already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, ‘People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The pre-orders for Sarah Palin’s new book on Amazon are huge. It’s the No. 1 book on Amazon. I was looking for that section where it says, ‘People who bought this book also bought ‘Bridge to Nowhere.”” – Jay Leno

“Yeah, Palin’s book is No. 1 on Amazon, it’s No. 1 at Barnes and Noble, and it would be on sale at Borders, but she had all of them closed.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Sarah Palin’s new memoir is being published in early November. A lot of revelations in the book, but you probably knew this: During the presidential campaign, Sarah had to cut up John McCain’s meat for him.” – David Letterman

“I thought this was nice. Out of good sportsmanship, the foreword was written by a moose.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Well, the publisher was impressed that Sarah Palin finished the book four months ahead of schedule. That’s not a big deal. She finished her term as governor 18 months ahead of schedule.” – Jay Leno

“Oh, this week on ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ former Congressman Tom DeLay almost dropped his partner. I guess all those years of lobbyists greasing his palms, apparently he just couldn’t … ” – Jay Leno

“According to a new study out of the University of Michigan, during this bad economy, people’s health is actually better than it was before. Isn’t that amazing? When times are bad economically, people stay in better health, to which former President Bush said, ‘You’re welcome!'” – Jay Leno