Political Irony

“Well, people are still talking about last week when President Obama gave his speech on healthcare and that Republican congressman yelled out, ‘You lie!’ He yelled out, ‘You lie!’ to the President. So, at least the two sides are talking. You know, and that’s good. There’s dialogue.” – Jay Leno

“Vice President Joe Biden really upset about President Obama being interrupted. He said, ‘Hey, that’s my job.'” – Jay Leno

“President Obama, of course, hard at work, traveling the country, selling his healthcare plan. He’s going everywhere. This weekend, in Minnesota, President Obama spoke about healthcare reform, and he warned Americans not to be tricked by scare tactics. Then someone yelled out, ‘What do you call sending a black man to Minnesota?'” – Conan O’Brien

“The President spoke about some of the scare tactics that are being used to fight healthcare reform. And I tell you, some of them are pretty scary. Like, have you seen this new commercial where this older couple gets mailed a box from Liberty Medical and it’s got Wilford Brimley’s head in it? Have you seen that one?” – Jay Leno

“This Saturday in Washington, over 70,000 people protested because they think President Obama is trying to shove government healthcare down their throats; also known as the ‘Serena Williams option.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Osama bin Laden has released a new audio recording slamming the President, America, Israel and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Then at the end, when he’s really worked up, he yells, ‘And Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time!'” – Conan O’Brien

“Osama bin Laden released a new 11-minute audio tape, where he calls President Obama powerless in the war in Afghanistan. Well, that was the first six minutes. He gave Taylor Swift the last five to finish her acceptance speech.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Of course, you all saw this. This is what I’m talking about. Kayne West at the Video Music Awards. Kayne West interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech. And after he did that, after he was done interrupting her, MTV threw him out of the building. So it’s official. MTV has a lower tolerance for bad behavior than the United States Congress.” – Conan O’Brien

“Been a busy week for President Obama. I notice that he’s having Kanye West and Taylor Swift to the White House for a ‘root beer summit’ this weekend. See, she’s only 19. So, it’s got to be root beer.” – Jay Leno

“Yet another family values Republican has been caught in a sex scandal. I love this story: This time, California Assemblyman Mike Duvall (the guy is married) was caught on tape bragging having sex with two different lobbyists. A politician having sex with two lobbyists. Now, I’m not a mathematician, but I believe that’s a total of 3 whores, right?” – Jay Leno

“And while we were off, the government started this program that gives people money for their old cars. I made $5 billion.” – Jay Leno

“Oh, hey, and the University of Wyoming will open the new Dick Cheney Center for International Students. And really, who loves foreigners more than Dick Cheney?” – Jay Leno

“And according to the Wall Street Journal, Wal-Mart will now pay its workers in the United States electronically. I mean, it’ll still be in pesos, but electronic.” – Jay Leno