Political Irony

“Tonight was the last ‘Tonight Show’ hosted by Jay Leno. Out of respect to Jay, I’d like to do the first joke he told on May 25th, 1992, when he took over the ‘Tonight Show. He said, ‘This, of course, is the ‘Tonight Show,’ the one TV program Dan Quayle hates even more than ‘Murphy Brown.’ That joke is about as topical today as it was back when he told it.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Hey, tonight, former presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton held a debate in Toronto. I wish I had one more day.” – Jay Leno

“Over the weekend George W. Bush — you remember George W. — and Bill Clinton, Bubba — you remember Bubba. They had a debate up there in Toronto, Canada. Up in Toronto. Yeah. The last time they were both in Canada, I think, was when they were trying to get out of Vietnam. Is that right? Do you remember? Something like that. I don’t know.” – David Letterman

“There were some tense moments yesterday here in Los Angeles with President Obama. A female reporter — you probably saw this on the news — carried, kicking and screaming, away from Air Force One after she insisted on handing President Obama a letter. They picked the woman up, forcibly, carried her away. Same thing they did when Joe Biden tried to get on the plane.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama was here in Los Angeles this week to bring his message of change to Hollywood. And, really, is there any place in America that loves change more than Hollywood? The place that brought you four ‘Terminator’ sequels, 10 ‘Police Academy’ movies and 29 ‘Star Trek’ films. This town runs on new and innovative ideas.” – Jay Leno

“Obama appointed a Latina to the Supreme Court this week. Sonia Sotomayor. Her background? Graduated first in her class at Princeton. Yale Law School, was a prosecutor, a sitting judge for 18 years, or, as conservatives call it, ‘unqualified.’ And, you know, her personal background, Puerto Rican, raised in the New York City housing projects. Will be played in a movie by Rosie Perez, or John Leguizamo in drag. One of the two.” – Bill Maher

“She’s, of course, being attacked by the right wing. A lot of the commentators saying she was wrong to say … that a wise Latina woman … with her experiences could be more often counted on to reach a better conclusion on issues than a white male without those experiences. Which prompted white males like Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh to go out and prove her point.” – Bill Maher

“What is so ironic about this is that this is why the Republican party is so in the wilderness right now, because it is a party where policy has been made for so many years by people who never had these kind of experiences. Real-life, real people experiences: Poverty, lack of health care, racism. I mean, the last time Rush Limbaugh talked to a Hispanic woman, it was his maid getting his drugs.” – Bill Maher

“Rush and his ilk have come up with a name for the first Hispanic on the Supreme Court that’s been 99% white men for 200 years, and that name is ‘reverse racist.’ She is a racist, and someone has to stop her, because for too long, white men have been kept down by powerful Puerto Rican women.” – Bill Maher

“But the best is the guy from the National Review, the bible of conservatives, a guy named Mark Kerkorian — yeah, like he came over on the Mayflower. That’s Armenian, I would guess. He says she’s not pronouncing her name right, … pronounces ‘Sotomayor’ accent on the last syllable. That’s not American. She should emphasize the first syllable. That would be a ‘natural English pronunciation.’ So whenever I refer to this guy, I’m going to, just to annoy him, emphasize the last syllable, and call him a ‘doucheBAG.'” – Bill Maher

“Please, I’ll correct this for everybody. The correct pronunciation is Sota-Mayor. Unless you’re a Republican, and then I believe it’s pronounced ‘Sodomizer.'” – Jon Stewart