“I thought this was kind of cute. Senator Barack Obama, President-elect Barack Obama and his wife went on their first date since the election. They actually went on a date, they went out and had dinner. And it is weird, though, when you think about it, don’t you, to have a Democrat in the White House who actually dates his own wife?” -David Letterman
“As you know, President-elect Obama promised his daughters a puppy if they move to the White House. And he’s already getting advice on what the best breed of dog to get. For example, today, President Clinton told him the Oval Office is a great place for a husky female.” -Jay Leno
“Barack Obama attended a parent-teacher conference at his daughters’ school the other day. And a very positive meeting. The teacher said, both the girls already reading at a President Bush level.” -Jay Leno
“Historic day at the White House. Earlier today at the White House, you probably saw this, President Bush had a private meeting, in the Oval Office, with President-elect Barack Obama. Ten afterwards, Obama met with Dick Cheney to see how things really work.” -Conan O’Brien
“But I thought this was nice. While Bush met with Obama, Vice President Cheney took Joe Biden waterboarding.” -David Letterman
“Today was another historic day. President Bush took President-elect Barack Obama on a tour of the White House. At one point, Barack opened a closet. Bush said, ‘Oh, don’t open that,’ and a huge stack of unread intelligence memos fell out.” –Jay Leno
“And then today, the big transition process begins, because earlier today, Barack Obama met with President Bush at the White House. So you had the president-elect and the president-inept, so they were there together.” -David Letterman
“I don’t know anything about politics, but as soon as Barack Obama shook hands with President Bush, Obama’s ratings went down 10 points.” -David Letterman
“Hey, did you see this on the news? In the country of Sierra Leone, six out of ten male newborns at the Freetown main hospital were named Barack Obama. Six out of ten! Even more amazing: at least 23 babies born in North Carolina last year [were] named John Edwards, Jr. How about that?” -Jay Leno
“This is true, according to a new report, I was reading this today in the paper, thousands of pregnant mothers in this country are planning to name their baby Barack. That’s true. Yeah, after hearing this, Sarah Palin told Bristol, ‘Don’t even think about it.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Everybody seems to be ganging up on Sarah Palin lately. Have you noticed that? Oh, boy. Now, when she goes hunting, the moose return fire. That’s how bad it’s gotten.” -Jay Leno
“Well, Sarah Palin continuing to speak out. She said she now knows Africa is not a country. She also knows that, with the campaign over, she’s looking forward to a nice, relaxing vacation in the nation of Hawaii.” -Jay Leno
“Well, according to a new post-election survey, people want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012. That’s what it says. It says she’s been getting thousands of calls from people pleading with her to run, all Democrats.” -Jay Leno
“I don’t know if you saw this on TV this weekend. Commentator Joe Scarborough said the ‘F’ word on MSNBC. Of course, at MSNBC, the ‘F’ word is Fox News.” -Conan O’Brien
“Of course, lots of sour news about the economy. The federal government has announced that due to the bad economy, it is going to have to lay off 40,000 postal workers. Yeah, 40,000 disgruntled postal workers. What could possibly go wrong?” -Conan O’Brien
