[Jokes from Jun 21, 2017]
Today is the summer solstice, which is the longest day of the year. Or as the White House calls that, “every day”. – Jimmy Fallon
Today was the longest day of the year … says Sean Spicer every day. – Seth Meyers
Today, hundreds of people did yoga in Times Square to celebrate the first day of summer. At least, I THINK that’s why Times Square Elmo was lying face-down. – Jimmy Fallon
There was a special election in Georgia last night to fill a vacant congressional seat and Republican Karen Handel defeated the Democrat Jon Ossoff. Now, I have a question about the American political process. When is there NOT an election? There is ALWAYS an election here. You LOVE elections. The only thing you love more than elections is moaning about the outcome of elections. – James Corden
The Republican won the election and she did it the old-fashioned way, without the help of any Russians. – James Corden
Following two special election losses for the Democratic Party yesterday, one Democratic congressman said, quote, “Our brand is worse than Trump.” “Hey, that’s our slogan!” said United Airlines. – Seth Meyers
Experts say the Republican victory in Georgia shows that Americans may not be as dissatisfied with Trump as, let’s say, Melania is. – James Corden
President Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner is in the Middle East to broker a historic peace between Israel and the Palestinians. Kushner thinks real progress will start once both sides stop laughing. – Conan O’Brien
Mitch McConnell wants to force a Senate vote on healthcare before July 4, because if there’s one day you want to take away people’s healthcare, it’s the day when they get drunk and set off fireworks. – Jimmy Fallon
In Israel, a court ruled that a religious man cannot force a woman to move seats on an airplane just because he’s afraid of having accidental physical contact with her. It was the landmark case of Israel vs. Mike Pence. – Conan O’Brien
Now here’s some news from my home country. In her latest speech her majesty the queen did not mention Donald Trump’s state visit to the U.K., leading some to speculate that it may have been canceled. So apparently two can play this whole travel ban game. – James Corden
The Supreme Court just ruled that it is now legal for sex offenders to use social media. When asked to explain the decision, the justices said, “Sex offenders on the internet — what’s the worst that could happen?” – Conan O’Brien
A child development expert has sued Disney for stealing her idea for the movie “Inside Out.” Disney called the suit ridiculous, then announced their next movie about a child development expert who sues Disney for stealing her idea. – Jimmy Fallon
The reality show “Bachelor in Paradise” has been cleared of the assault charges and it’s going to resume filming. The news was celebrated today by ABC, the contestants, and the chlamydia virus. – Conan O’Brien
Discovery Channel is promoting its upcoming Shark Week by promising to have Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps race a great white shark. But don’t tell him! It’s a surprise! – Seth Meyers
