[Jokes from May 30, 2017]
We are back to work after a long weekend. It didn’t feel like a long weekend. But technically it was. I hope you had a fine Memorial Day. I hope you took time to remember the men and women who risked and sacrificed their lives so the rest of us can eat yogurt out of a tube. – Jimmy Kimmel
Memorial Day’s become the unofficial start to summer. Summer doesn’t technically start until next month. That didn’t stop me from wearing a bikini all weekend. – Jimmy Kimmel
A Memorial Day video made it’s rounds where you can see mysterious red lights flashing in or on the second floor window at the White House. This went on for about 20 minutes. And White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said the red light was the reflection of an ambulance in Lafayette Park. So the one thing we know for sure is the red light was definitely not the reflection of an ambulance in Lafayette Park. – Jimmy Kimmel
Maybe it was the alarm that goes off when President Trump tries to get into Melania’s bedroom. – Jimmy Kimmel
There’s a new report that says more than half of American workers didn’t use all their vacation days last year. They had them, they just didn’t take them. So the people who did the study asked why. Some said they did it to impress their boss with their work ethic. The rest said, I hate my family. – Jimmy Kimmel
