[Jokes from Dec. 21, 2016]
“Donald Trump loves Christmas. It’s the one time of year where he can say, ‘Those are real, those are fake,’ and claim he was talking about Christmas trees.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Rudy Giuliani said this morning that even though Donald Trump passed him over for a position in his administration, Trump hasn’t forgotten about him. Said Trump, ‘It’s true. How could I ever forget Rudy Garziola? Gorgonzola, whatever. I’ll never forget my good friend Judy.'” – Seth Meyers
“Trump confirmed yesterday that he met with Mexican businessman Carlos Slim recently. And I guess it went well, ’cause he later tweeted in all caps, ‘HE IS A GREAT GUY.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Even in print, Trump’s way of communicating with foreigners is just speaking English louder.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Bill O’Reilly said last night that liberals want to eliminate the Electoral College because they want power taken away from the white establishment. Bill, you don’t have to say, ‘White establishment.’ It’s redundant. That’s like saying ATM machine. The ‘M’ means machine.” – Seth Meyers
“Vice president Joe Biden will reportedly work at the University of Pennsylvania once he leaves office. Apparently they had an opening for, ‘Cool R.A.'” – Seth Meyers
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Or “It is raining outside.”
Or, “with au jus.”