[Jokes from Dec. 13, 2016]
“This morning, Kanye West actually showed up to meet with Donald Trump at Trump Tower. People were shocked — they didn’t expect those two to meet until the first presidential debate in 2020.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Today, Donald Trump met with Kanye West. It’s always cool when two future presidents hang out.” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump met with Kanye West today — what an amazing thing to see. Our next two presidents side by side.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Kanye West met with Donald Trump at Trump Tower today. No word on what they interrupted each other about.” – Seth Meyers
“This morning, the president-elect met at Trump Tower with Kanye West. You can tell it was a high-powered meeting because Kanye wore his formal sweat suit.” – Stephen Colbert
“Kanye tweeted, ‘It’s important to have a direct line of communication with our future president if we truly want change.’ Yeah, that’s great for you, but what about us?” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The big story today was Trump’s meeting with Kanye West. The two met in Trump’s apartment and then took photos and answered questions in the lobby. When asked what they talked about, Trump had kind of a weird answer: ‘We’re just friends’. Just friends? What happened up in that apartment?” – James Corden
“Kanye needs to stay close to Donald Trump because at this point he’s the only person who can afford to buy his sneakers.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Obviously, it’s a security risk gathering the two most powerful American narcissists in the same room. Just for security reasons, they had to keep Shia LeBeouf in an undisclosed location for continuity of government.” – Stephen Colbert
“Mitt Romney tweeted that it was ‘an honor’ to be considered for secretary of state. Romney then tweeted, ‘Oh, and has anyone seen my dignity?'” – Conan O’Brien
“A friend of Donald Trump’s said that Trump dangled the office of secretary of state to Mitt Romney to ‘torture him’. You can watch the whole thing in the new series ‘White Billionaire Pranks.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Jeb Bush told reporters today that he does not think Russia ‘influenced’ the election. And if anybody knows about not influencing elections, it’s Jeb Bush.” –Seth Meyers
“Trump announced he’s nominating Exxon-Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson to be his secretary of state, even though Rex supposedly has a friendly relationship with Vladimir Putin. Today, Rex said, ‘Putin and I aren’t friends,’ while Putin said, ‘That’s SO something Rex would say.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“On Twitter Trump announced his nominee for secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, CEO of a small mom-and-pop business called Exxon-Mobil. He announced he’s changing his slogan from ‘drain the swamp’ to ‘fill ‘er up!'” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Today Donald Trump chose Rex Tillerson, Exxon-Mobil CEO, as his secretary of state. I assume from now on, all gas stations are official U.S. embassies, which is perfect for any refugees who are seeking asylum and maybe a Slim Jim.” – Stephen Colbert
“Donald Trump has continued to make more surprising appointments in his cabinet. This morning, Trump chose the CEO of Exxon Mobil, Rex Tillerson, as his secretary of state. Because, you know, when you think responsible, ethical and trustworthy, you think Exxon-Mobil.” – James Corden
“Tillerson is an interesting pick. For one thing, he’s an oil main who believes in climate change. Well, of course he believes in it! He’s from Exxon — he INVENTED it. It’s pride of ownership. It’s his baby!” – Stephen Colbert
“Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry has been named Donald Trump’s pick for secretary of energy. And I have to say, he is the most qualified candidate from that particular season of ‘Dancing with the Stars.'” – Seth Meyers
“Donald Trump’s pick for secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, was once the president of the Boy Scouts of America. Or as Donald Trump calls that, ‘government experience’.” – Conan O’Brien
“Rudy Giuliani said today that he had ‘too much going on’ to accept a cabinet appointment from Donald Trump. Added Giuliani, ‘These pigeons aren’t gonna yell at themselves!'” – Seth Meyers
“These cabinet appointments are something else. I can’t wait to see who he picks to actually be president of this country.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“There are only 11 shopping days left until Christmas, and only 37 shopping days to fill your doomsday bunker with canned goods before Trump becomes the president.” – James Corden
“A NASA scientist has warned that Earth is unprepared for a surprise asteroid hit, and said, ‘There’s not a hell of a lot we can do about it.’ So, ladies and gentlemen, happy holidays!” – Conan O’Brien
