[Jokes from Nov. 22, 2016]
“Right now, the focus is on who Trump will appoint to his cabinet. In fact, C-SPAN aired a live feed of the elevators at Trump Tower that captured potential cabinet members going up to meet him. It even caught the moment when Ted Cruz was approaching the elevator and everyone inside frantically hit the ‘door close’ button.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump said this afternoon that he was ‘surprised’ one of his top picks for secretary of defense is not in favor of waterboarding. Man, you think you know somebody. And then they turn out to be a decent human being.” – Seth Meyers
“According to reports, incoming White House chief of staff Reince Priebus tried to get Donald Trump to cancel today’s meeting with The New York Times because Trump could face questions he wasn’t prepared to answer. It’s the same reason he canceled yesterday’s meeting with Highlights Magazine.” – Seth Meyers
“Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, was being interviewed yesterday and said she’s ‘very confident’ that Trump isn’t breaking any laws during his transition. Then Americans were like, ‘Uh … we weren’t even suspicious until you said that.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Today, the stock market hit an all-time high. Which is great news, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned over the past decade it’s that if Wall Street executives are doing well, regular Americans are doing well.” – James Corden
“The Dow Jones industrial average topped 19,000 today for the first time. When they heard that, Americans everywhere nodded in approval as if they actually know what the Dow Jones industrial average is.” – James Corden
“A new report finds that protecting Donald Trump and his family is costing New York City taxpayers over a $1 million a day. Then Trump was like, ‘Thank God I’m not a taxpayer!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“When asked this afternoon if he reads The New York Times, Donald Trump told reporters, quote, ‘I do read it. Unfortunately. I’d live about 20 years longer if I didn’t.’ ‘Got your paper, sir!’ said Mike Pence.” – Seth Meyers
“President Obama today awarded 21 people with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Said Obama, ‘You’re free! Quick, go before he sees you!'” – Seth Meyers
