[Jokes from Sept. 14, 2016]
“Today Republican candidate Donald Trump decided to clear the air and reveal the results of a recent physical, on ‘The Dr. Oz Show’. Which is an interesting move. Like for Donald Trump, you know, sure, Dr. Oz is a respected doctor — you know, in the same way that Dr. Dre is a respected doctor.” – James Corden
“Donald Trump taped an appearance on ‘Dr. Oz’ today to discuss his health and his diet, and reportedly told Dr. Oz that he likes fast food because, ‘At least you know what they’re putting in it.’ Then workers at Taco Bell and Arby’s said, ‘You keep telling yourself that.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump will appear on ‘Dr. Oz’ tomorrow, while his traditional doctor will appear on ‘Law & Order SVU’: ‘I didn’t know she took all of those pills!'” – Seth Meyers
“If you think that a presidential candidate appearing on ‘Dr. Oz’ is ridiculous, later Donald stopped by the Maury Povich show and found out that he is not the father.” – James Corden
“Tomorrow, Hillary Clinton is going to be cleared of all email charges by Judge Judy.” – James Corden
“Hacked emails from former Secretary of State Colin Powell show he recently referred to Donald Trump as ‘a national disgrace’ and ‘an international pariah’. Trump was like, ‘Listen, I love Pariah. I have all of her albums. So that’s a compliment to me.'” – Seth Meyers
“In newly leaked emails, former Secretary of State Colin Powell calls Hillary Clinton ‘greedy’, and Donald Trump ‘a disgrace’, and Dick Cheney an ‘idiot’. In response, Americans everywhere said, ‘Hey, three for three.'” – Conan O’Brien
“In the leaked emails from Colin Powell, he calls Donald Trump ‘a national disgrace.’ Trump was furious and said, ‘Hey, I’m an international disgrace.'” – Conan O’Brien
“A new poll shows that Donald Trump is now leading in Nevada. Which actually makes sense, since 50 percent of Nevada voters are also failed casino owners.” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump’s childhood home in Queens is going up for auction next month. Apparently, the house has five bedrooms, or as Trump calls it, ’20 walls’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The upcoming movie about President Barack Obama’s college years reportedly shows a young Obama shirtless, smoking cigarettes and smoking weed. Or as the president calls him: 2017 Obama.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson took out a full-page ad in today’s New York Times asking to be included in the first debate. Green Party candidate Jill Stein took a full-page ad out of The New York Times and folded it into a neat little hat.” – Seth Meyers
