[Jokes from Sept. 1, 2016]
“Donald Trump gave a big speech on immigration last night. And during the speech, he said that Mexico is 100% going to pay for his, quote, ‘beautiful border wall’. Mexicans were like, ‘Wait, you never said it was going to be beautiful. Who do we write the check out to?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump maintains that he will build a wall. A beautiful wall. He keeps saying the wall will be beautiful. You know, there are some people who think we need to build a wall; I don’t think anyone’s requiring that it be beautiful. It seems like a simple basic wall, maybe from IKEA, would do the trick.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“In his speech last night, Donald Trump proposed new screening to prevent violent extremists from entering the U.S. In response, Trump’s supporters said, ‘But we’re already here.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Last night, Donald Trump said if he’s elected, he will employ a ‘deportation task force’. It’s not really necessary, because if he’s elected most people will probably leave voluntarily.” – Conan O’Brien
“A prominent Latino Trump supporter announced today he is withdrawing his support for Donald Trump. He said, ‘I would have done it sooner but I just came out of a year-long coma.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Rudy Giuliani spoke at Donald Trump’s rally last night after he got back from Mexico and debuted a new campaign hat. This is real. We did not make this up. It reads, ‘Make Mexico great again also.’ They didn’t stop there. They also debuted another hat that says, ‘Oh, yeah, I guess we better make Canada great again, too, while we’re at it, in addition to the United States and Mexico.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A new poll reveals that supporters of both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are motivated by fear, not excitement. And third-party candidate Gary Johnson supporters are motivated by being related to Gary Johnson.” – Conan O’Brien
