[Jokes from July 11, 2016]
“People are now saying that Hillary Clinton has narrowed her list of potential vice presidents down to five people. I’m sorry, she’s ‘deleted’ the list down to five people.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Hillary Clinton campaign recently released an ad that features clips of Donald Trump praising world dictators. In the video, Trump praises Saddam Hussein, Vladimir Putin, and Abby Lee from ‘Dance Moms’.” – Conan O’Brien
“Hillary Clinton has been endorsed by the Wu-Tang Clan and when Hillary heard that, she bowed in appreciation and said she looks forward to working with China.” – Seth Meyers
“According to Forbes magazine, in the past year Taylor Swift has earned $170 million. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton said, ‘I didn’t know she gave speeches.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Bernie Sanders is expected to actually endorse Hillary Clinton at an event in New Hampshire tomorrow. In fact, Bernie Sanders is set to give his most enthusiastic endorsement of all time: ‘Eh, could be worse!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Bernie Sanders is expected to endorse Hillary Clinton tomorrow. Said Sanders, ‘But before I do, are we sure there are no more states?'” – Seth Meyers
“The presidential debates have been announced and, guess what, the final one is gonna take place in Las Vegas. Trump and Hillary will have a 90-minute debate and then be married by Elvis.” – Conan O’Brien
“Hip-hop group the Wu-Tang Clan has endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. Which makes this the first presidential election where both candidates have been endorsed by a ‘clan’.” – Seth Meyers
“Donald Trump has dropped hints that he may name a Democrat as his running mate. In fact, today he chose Donald Trump from 2008.” – Conan O’Brien
“House Speaker Paul Ryan today announced that he will appear at next week’s Republican National Convention to deliver a 10-minute speech that he is writing himself. As opposed to Trump, who will be giving a 10-hour speech that he will be writing as he goes.” – Seth Meyers
“It’s been found that one of Saturn’s moons has an atmosphere somewhat like Earth’s, except you can’t breathe the air, drink the water, or survive the surface temperature. Yet, still a better venue for the Summer Olympics than Rio.” – Conan O’Brien
