Political Irony

[Jokes from June 30, 2016]

“Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the president of France. When she heard this, Hillary said, ‘Shut up, I’m trying to win this thing.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Hillary Clinton has unveiled a technology plan that would offer broadband Internet access to all Americans. Which is why today Hillary was endorsed by the CEO of PornHub.” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump is upset today because so many of his former Republican rivals have not endorsed him. He says he feels like he is running against two parties because none of the guys have jumped in to lend their support. Which makes no sense at all. Donald Trump has been nothing but nice to them.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump says what they’re doing is disgraceful and there should be consequences for it. What consequences? I don’t know. Maybe he is planning to feed Jeb Bush to his dragons.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“At this point, the Republican Party is like the scientists at ‘Jurassic Park’. Now, it’s going to eat us.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Thirty-eight percent for Trump, 13 percent for a meteor, which adds up to 51 percent of the people are OK with the world coming to an end. Two giant destructive orange balls.” – Stephen Colbert

“The giant meteor hitting the Earth polled particularly well among independent voters, and unsurprisingly, poorly amongst dinosaurs.” – Stephen Colbert

“Now Trump might be getting a boost in the polls because sources say Trump is vetting Chris Christie as a potential running mate. Christie would definitely help Trump win voters in New Jersey, who are anxious to get rid of Chris Christie.” – Stephen Colbert

“Yesterday President Obama met with the leaders of Mexico and Canada. Obama said he’s trying to figure out where to live if Trump wins.” – Conan O’Brien

“The Fourth of July holiday weekend is almost upon us. The original Brexit is the Fourth of July. It’s my favorite holiday. You don’t have to wrap anything, other than bacon around a hot dog.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Nancy Grace is leaving Headline News in October. The network announced she will be replaced by an especially loud leaf blower.” – Conan O’Brien