“The presidential election has shifted its focus to New York. And a lot of candidates are already here campaigning. It’s the first time that the city that never sleeps is like, ‘Well, good night’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“On the Republican side, I saw that Ted Cruz visited a matzah factory in Brooklyn. Of course, matzah is the unleavened bread that Jewish people eat for Passover, and Ted Cruz is the presidential candidate that New Yorkers will definitely pass over.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The New York primary is fast approaching and Ted Cruz today stopped in Brooklyn to tour a matzah bakery. But he still didn’t see as many crackers as Donald Trump does at his rallies.” – Seth Meyers
“After losing in Wisconsin, there has been a big shake-up in the Trump campaign staff. In fact, the guy in charge of racist comments is now in charge of sexist comments.” – Conan O’Brien
“John Kasich had to move his campaign event to a larger venue when he got more RSVPs than expected. Kasich said, ‘We had to move it from a toll booth to a Sunglass Hut.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Two dangerous mentally-ill men have escaped from a Washington state psychiatric hospital. They’re now the leading contenders in the Republican presidential race.” – Conan O’Brien
“Hillary Clinton was campaigning in New York today and actually visited Yankee Stadium. Bernie Sanders spent the entire day looking for the Brooklyn Dodgers. ‘They were here when I left! Where did they go? Where are they?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“While campaigning in New York today, Hillary Clinton rode the subway and had to swipe her metro card five times before getting through a turnstile. Though if you know Hillary Clinton, you know she’ll keep trying until she gets in.” – Seth Meyers
“She swiped her metro card five times, which means it only took the crowd behind her 10 seconds to go from ‘Oh my God it’s Hillary!’ to ‘Let’s go lady!'” – Seth Meyers
“The IRS has introduced new technology allowing you to pay your taxes at a 7-Eleven. So just imagine: You can now declare your earnings from 2015 while eating a hot dog from 2005.” – Conan O’Brien
