“After weeks of back and forth, Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton have finally agreed to hold a debate in Brooklyn next Thursday. You know you’re in New York when you have to argue over the date of when you’re going to argue.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Next Thursday’s debate will be at the Brooklyn Navy Yard. Bernie says he chose the location because of its history, while Hillary liked it because it’s remote, poorly lit, and close to the East River.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Hillary Clinton campaign believes that Donald Trump is going to go after her occasional ‘health problems’. Today, Hillary reminded Trump that being a woman over 40 is not a ‘health problem’.” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump is polling so badly with women that at a rally last night, he had his wife, Melania, introduce him. Because if there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to get American women on your side, it’s a foreign model who’s married to a billionaire and never has to work.” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump said yesterday that acting more presidential would make his campaign ‘boring as hell’. Though if he gets elected, I suppose ‘boring’ is the best version of hell we can hope for.” – Seth Meyers
“At a campaign event in Wisconsin yesterday, a 16-year-old boy threw an egg at Donald Trump but missed. And I can’t quite explain it, but somehow it hit Jeb Bush.” – Seth Meyers
“In an attempt to win over Wisconsin, Ted Cruz said, ‘To be honest, I like cheese on cheese.’ Of course when he was campaigning in Florida he said, ‘I like meth on meth.'” – Conan O’Brien
“More than 11.5 million documents called the ‘Panama Papers’ just leaked, and they link Vladimir Putin to $2 billion held in secret offshore accounts. If confirmed, it could be the LEAST bad thing Putin’s ever done.” – Jimmy Fallon
