“Tomorrow is the Wisconsin presidential primary, which could actually be pivotal for the Republican race for president. While Milwaukee has already played a major role by making all the beer that’s helped us through it.” – Jimmy Fallon
“House Speaker Paul Ryan today continued to shoot down rumors that he could be a surprise candidate at the Republican convention and said that he’s not the fresh face his party needs. I guess he hasn’t gotten a look at the other faces in contention.” – Seth Meyers
“Ted Cruz said that a ‘white knight’ is not going to parachute into the Republican convention and walk away with the nomination. To which the GOP responded, ‘You had us at ‘white’.” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump said in a recent interview that the press conference held to announce his candidacy for president looked like the Academy Awards. No black people.” – Seth Meyers
“Donald Trump told The Washington Post that he’ll be able to get the United States completely out of debt in eight years. When asked how, Trump was like, ‘Easy, declare bankruptcy and start fresh! It’s fantastic. I’ve done it already. It’s amazing.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A man was arrested on Friday by Secret Service officers for climbing over the White House fence. ‘I just wanted to see the Oval Office,’ said Jeb.” – Seth Meyers
“Hillary Clinton said on ‘Meet the Press’ yesterday that the FBI has not reached out to schedule an interview with her regarding her private email server. When asked how she’d respond to such a request, Hillary said, ‘Oh, I’d delete it.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Members of Bernie Sanders’ campaign staff say they regret not reaching out to black voters earlier. They also regret that, when they did reach out to black voters, it was to ask if they could touch their hair.” – Conan O’Brien
“Bernie Sanders said today that none of the ideas he’s proposed in his campaign are radical or unrealistic other than, of course, the idea of a 74-year-old Jewish president with a $2 haircut.” – Seth Meyers
