“The big story is President Obama’s historic visit to Cuba. After landing yesterday, Obama immediately tweeted out, ‘What’s up, Cuba?’ And Cubans opened up a window and yelled, ‘We don’t have the Internet! It’s like 1955 here!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday, President Obama arrived in Cuba, a formerly hostile territory. Tomorrow, he returns to Washington, a currently hostile territory.” – Conan O’Brien
“When President Obama arrived in Cuba, a band played both the American and Cuban national anthems. Then just because it felt right, a baseball game broke out.” – Conan O’Brien
“Today, Cuban President Raul Castro asked President Obama to return ownership of Guantanamo Bay to Cuba. They want it back. Obama agreed, but only if Cuba takes Florida. Let’s make that happen right away.” – Conan O’Brien
“Meanwhile, Donald Trump tweeted that Raul Castro disrespected the president by not greeting him at the airport. Seriously? Our countries have been enemies for 60 years. I can’t even get my best friend to pick me up at the airport.” – Jimmy Fallon
Donald Trump continues to baffle and astound. A new study found that Donald Trump’s speeches are at a fifth grade level. In other words, he’s speaking two grades above his supporters right now.” – Conan O’Brien
“A new study has found Donald Trump speaks with the poorest grammar of any presidential candidate. Said Trump, ‘It’s actually the poorliest.'” – Seth Meyers
“Good news for Donald Trump. Donald Trump just got the official endorsement of Scott Baio. After hearing about it, Donald Trump said, ‘See, I’ve got the unemployed vote.'” – Conan O’Brien
“The New York Times published a quote calling millennials lazy, narcissistic, and obsessed with social media. Meanwhile, millennials have called The New York Times, ‘What’s a ‘New York Times?”” – Conan O’Brien
“John Kasich has actually been pretty vocal in his criticism of Trump’s antics. He also said Trump should remember that he’s not ‘Running for the presidency of the WWE.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Democratic National Committee head Debbie Wasserman Schultz today denied accusations that she is taking sides in the primary election season, and said, ‘There is no shred of evidence to suggest that I’m favoring Hillary Clinton over Bernie Socialist — I mean Bernie Sanders.'” – Seth Meyers
“Bernie Sanders this weekend gave a speech at the Mexican border. Actually he was in Vermont, but they could hear him at the Mexican border.” – Seth Meyers
