“Republicans are blaming President Obama for creating Donald Trump. While others say he was created in a lab when a young real estate developer was bitten by a radioactive douchebag.” – Conan O’Brien
“Despite Donald Trump’s tough stance on immigration, Trump Modeling Agency is being accused of hiring lower-paid foreign models. In his defense, Trump says those aren’t laborers, those are ‘future wives’.” – Conan O’Brien
“A reporter claims she was pushed down by one of Donald Trump’s campaign advisers. Isn’t that crazy? Donald Trump has a campaign adviser.” – Conan O’Brien
“There have been more Republican debates than seasons of ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ The chairman of the Republican National Committee said he was hoping for a G-rated night tonight. I love that we’ve reached the point where the party has to remind a candidate not to discuss the size of his penis on television during the debate.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Hillary Clinton debated Bernie Sanders last night in Miami and what got most people’s attention, weirdly, was the color of Bernie Sanders’ suit. Some people online said it looked brown. Some people said it looked blue. A few lunatics said eggplant. Clearly, the suit is brown. I mean, that suit is so brown, Donald Trump wants to have it deported.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The suit has resulted in a big argument on Twitter. There’s a debate about the debate. It was like election ‘Inception’ or something.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“As a country we could stop focusing on things like the color of Bernie Sanders’ suit and start focusing on the fact that he was able to successfully dress himself.” – Jimmy Kimmel
