“Today is the Iowa Caucus and tomorrow is Groundhog Day. That’s the day the groundhog peeks out of the hole, sees Trump has won Iowa, and burrows to Canada.” – Conan O’Brien
“The Iowa caucuses are an important part of our election process. There are a few key differences between a caucus and a primary election. First one is, no one knows what a caucus is or how it works.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Today is the first day of Black History Month. And when you think about it – what better way to celebrate Black History Month than with a caucus in Iowa.” – Conan O’Brien
“Bernie Sanders said if he beats Hillary Clinton in Iowa, it will be, ‘one of the biggest political upsets in the modern history of our country.’ It’s true, nothing like it has happened since the last time Hillary Clinton ran in Iowa.” – Conan O’Brien
“Analysts say that for Bernie Sanders to win he needs college students to show up at the polls. Which explains Sanders’ new campaign slogan: ‘I’ve Got Pizza!'” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama is planning to visit a U.S. mosque for his first time as president. When asked why, Obama said, ‘I wanted to go to the one place in America where I won’t see Donald Trump.'” – Conan O’Brien
“We tape our show before the results are in so we don’t know who won either primary yet. All we do know is that Jeb Bush lost.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Jeb Bush hasn’t done a good job of marketing himself. First mistake was to eliminate the word Bush. The slogan was Jeb! With an exclamation point, which is not a slogan, it’s just his name with upbeat punctuation. But then ‘Jeb can fix it’ which sounds like a local roto-rooter or someone’s uncle’s YouTube channel.” – Jimmy Kimmel
