Political Irony

“After the debate this week, online polls show Donald Trump is still in the lead, but critics say the poll is unscientific. Because even science can’t explain how Donald Trump is still in the lead.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump said in a new interview, ‘We started off with 17 and one by one they’re disappearing. It’s a beautiful thing to watch as they go out.’ Which begs the question, have we actually just been watching ‘The Apprentice’ this whole time?” – Seth Meyers

“In a recent interview, Donald Trump hinted that he might consider Chris Christie for his ticket if he wins the nomination. Not to be his vice president — to be his wall between America and Mexico.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump’s latest attack on Hillary Clinton is that her hair isn’t real. Trump says he knows this because he saw her in line at his wig store.” – Conan O’Brien

“I heard that a couple weeks ago, Rick Santorum and Ted Cruz spent some time hunting pheasants in Iowa. When Donald Trump heard that, he was like, ‘Why wasn’t I invited? I love hunting peasants.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“GOP candidate Carly Fiorina is being criticized for repeatedly changing the story of how she met Vladimir Putin, where they met, and what they talked about. In other words, they DEFINITELY met on Tinder.” – Jimmy Fallon

“First Ben Carson said he attacked his mother with a hammer, now Ben Carson’s mother is saying she’s the one who attacked Ben with a hammer. I don’t know about you, but that’s going to be one awkward Thanksgiving at the Carson house.” – Conan O’Brien

“It was reported that the Republican candidates said Hillary Clinton’s name more than 40 times during the debate on Tuesday. Though usually you only have to say it three times before she appears.” – Seth Meyers

“The American Postal Workers Union has endorsed Bernie Sanders. They like Bernie because he’s the only candidate who’s old enough to still be using the U.S. Postal Service.” – Conan O’Brien

“The next Democratic debate is being held this Saturday in Des Moines, Iowa, and will be broadcast by CBS News. And if that doesn’t do the job, try Ambien.” – Seth Meyers