“In a new CNN poll released this morning, Donald Trump is still on top, 32 percent among Republican voters, far ahead of his nearest rival. There’s a reason Donald Trump is on top of the CNN poll and that is because he’s constantly on CNN. If CNN and Fox and MSNBC and everyone ran nonstop coverage of Honey Nut Cheerios we would have a box of cereal running the country.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A new CNN poll shows Trump in first place with 32 percent more than his two closest rivals combined. He’s now towering so high in the polls he turned his own bar graph into luxury condos.” – Stephen Colbert
“Donald Trump is under fire after he was caught saying of his Republican rival Carly Fiorina, ‘Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that?’ Then an aide said, ‘Mr. Trump, you’re pointing at a mirror.'” – Seth Meyers
“Today Trump is getting criticized. He made comments about one of his rivals in the race for the Republican nomination, Carly Fiorina. At this point Donald Trump has publicly attacked more women than he’s married. Which is a lot.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“With all the talk about the presidential race, it’s easy to forget that we’re still 14 months from Election Day. Which means we’re just nine years away from the end of the Trump presidency.” – Stephen Colbert
“Yesterday, Hillary Clinton vowed to take military action if Iran moves toward creating nuclear weapons, or if she loses to Bernie Sanders. ‘Fire up the drones!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Earlier tonight was the big season opener for the NFL, where the Patriots played their first game since the ‘Deflategate’ scandal. I don’t want to say the refs spent a long time examining balls, but today they were hired by the TSA.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week that said more Americans should start going on walks. You know we’re setting the bar a little low when the Surgeon General goes from saying ‘We should exercise more’ to ‘Just stand up for once’.” – Jimmy Fallon
