“Donald Trump’s recent immigration plan would cost at least $166 billion. When asked how he’d pay for it, Trump was like, ‘No hablo inglés’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“It has come out that implementing Donald Trump’s immigration policy would cost taxpayers $166 billion. Today Trump said, ‘So what? You spend the money, you declare bankruptcy, and then you start a new country. Boom. Right? You move on.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump said last night that Jeb Bush is ‘totally out of touch on women’s health issues.’ Which is kind of like Jared Fogle telling you you’re creepy.” – Seth Meyers
“At Ohio State University, it was just announced a tiny human brain has been grown in a lab. Isn’t that crazy? And it’s already announced its support for Trump for president.” – Conan O’Brien
“Trump just gave a big interview to the Hollywood Reporter. And when he was asked what actor he’d want to play him in a movie, he said, ‘Somebody really, really handsome.’ Then he said, ‘OK, I’ll do it! I talked me into it!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Trump said he thinks Hillary Clinton should face up to 20 years in prison over her email scandal. When they heard that, even the ladies on ‘Orange Is the New Black’ were like, ‘Oh God, please no. Move us.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“CNN’s newest polls show that Donald Trump is leading Hillary Clinton in Florida. It’s scary, because if that could happen in Florida, it could also happen in the United States.” – Seth Meyers
“According to a new survey, 17 percent of adult smartphone owners use auto-deleting apps like Snapchat and Wickr. ‘Yeah, uh, that’s what happened!’ said Hillary Clinton.” – Seth Meyers
