“According to a new report, the word that Donald Trump said most often in last week’s debate was ‘I’m’. The word he says the least: ‘Sorry’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Despite all of his sexist comments, 20 percent of Republican women still support Donald Trump. When asked why, the women said, ‘Because he’s paying us alimony.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump gave a speech yesterday where he accused Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton of being under the control of lobbyists, special interests, and deep-pocketed donors. Trump says we should vote for him because he’s not under control at all.” – Seth Meyers
“Rand Paul recently told reporters that his campaign is going to focus on taking down Donald Trump. Then Trump said, ‘I’ve tried it myself. It doesn’t work.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Despite no longer working for Donald Trump, former campaign strategist Roger Stone said today that he still fully supports his former boss. At which point, Trump said, ‘OK, cut him down.'” – Seth Meyers
“North Korea has declared its own time zone that they are calling ‘Pyongyang Time,’ and set their clocks back half an hour. So if it’s say, 11:40 here now in New York, in North Korea it’s still 1925.” – Jimmy Fallon
