“Tonight is the first Republican debate over on Fox News. The moderator, Chris Wallace, said there’s ‘so doggone many’ candidates, and that he planned on asking them some ‘doozies’. He would’ve said more but he had to go back to the soda shop he works at in 1954.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Tonight was the first Republican primary debate. If you missed it, just imagine your uncle at Thanksgiving dinner, and then multiply by 10.” – Seth Meyers
“The big Republican debate is tonight. Everyone is curious what Donald Trump’s going to do, right? Political analysts say Trump’s game plan is to wing it and see what happens. It’s the same game plan used by his barber.” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump said prior to the debate that he wants to be very civil. He said that instead of referring to all Hispanics as criminals, he’ll call them criminal Americans.” – Conan O’Brien
“It was reported this week that scientists are looking to reduce greenhouse gasses by limiting flatulence from cows. The way it works is, they’re gonna send all the cows on a bunch of first dates.” – Seth Meyers
