“By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, ‘No, not yet. OK, I made a mistake.’ And then later in the day, by accident, he called Hillary and congratulated her. ” – David Letterman
“Hillary Clinton’s younger brother Tony is facing criticism for using the Clintons’ political connections to help his career. So on the down side, she has a sketchy brother named Tony. On the up side, she just locked up every vote in New Jersey.” – Jimmy Fallon
“It turns out Hillary’s brother could damage her campaign. But then Jeb Bush said, ‘I think we all get a pass on who our brothers are.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Tomorrow, Mitt Romney will have a boxing match with Evander Holyfield for charity. And I suspect that’s what Romney will be yelling the whole time. ‘For charity, Evander!'” – Seth Meyers
“Mitt Romney will box Evander Holyfield tomorrow. So finally, someone can honestly say ‘Mitt, I think you should run.'” – Seth Meyers
“They’re making a movie about Barack and Michelle Obama’s first date, called ‘Southside With You,’ and the producers say they’ve already cast someone to play young Barack Obama. Now, I’m not saying the president has aged a lot but that young actor is Morgan Freeman.” – Jimmy Fallon
“George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.” – David Letterman
“I got a call today from a guy I have never heard of before, and he said, ‘Hi, Dave, it’s Bob. I’m with CBS. Look, the day after you guys leave the theater we’re going to send a team in there to take care of the asbestos. – David Letterman
