“Even the White House is weighing in on the Deflategate scandal. Yesterday they encouraged Tom Brady to ‘be mindful of the way he serves as a role model.’ And then President Obama stuffed out his cigarette and went golfing at noon on a weekday.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The White House encouraged Tom Brady to be more of a role model. They would’ve said more, but there was a drunken Secret Service agent streaking across the Rose Garden.” – Jimmy Fallon
“I have nothing against the North Koreans but this Kim Jong Un has got a screw loose. A member of his cabinet, his security minister, nods off, falls sleep. We’ve all done it. Kim Jong Un takes the guy out and has him executed, just for just falling asleep. Oh, and he was also deflating footballs.” – David Letterman
“Kim Jong Un reportedly had his defense chief executed after he fell asleep during a meeting. Not only did they execute him, they shot him with an anti-aircraft gun. I’d like to see NBC hire Kim Jong Un to host ‘The Apprentice’. His way of firing people is much more exciting than Donald Trump’s.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Kim Jong Un — it’s really Catch-22 with him. If you close your eyes, you get shot for nodding off. If you open them, you get shot for laughing at his haircut.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Things like that make me glad I live in America — where our political figures are free to fall asleep wherever they want.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Senate Democrats blocked President Obama’s trade bill yesterday because they’re worried it could hurt jobs. It’s not an issue for Republicans, since they’ve all found work as presidential candidates.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie’s yoga pants.” – David Letterman
