“The CDC announced that there are currently 102 measles cases in the U.S. Some say it’s because people aren’t vaccinating their children. You can tell things are getting bad. Today Disneyland opened a new ride called ‘It’s a Smallpox World’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Health officials are saying the number of measles cases that originated in Disneyland continues to grow. Which is why this year after the game the Super Bowl MVP shouted, ‘No way am I going to Disneyland!'” – Conan O’Brien
“Hillary Clinton is weighing in on the measles outbreak. She tweeted: ‘The Earth is round, the sky is blue, and vaccines work.’ She didn’t stop there. She also tweeted, ‘Fire is hot, ice is cold, and the Seahawks should have handed the ball off to Marshawn Lynch.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Tom Brady says he wants to give the truck he was given as the Super Bowl MVP to the guy who won the Super Bowl for the Patriots. So Brady’s giving his truck to Seahawks coach Pete Carroll.” – Conan O’Brien
“The city of Boston today held its Super Bowl victory parade. Meanwhile, the city of Seattle held Seahawks coach Pete Carroll out a window by his ankles.” – Seth Meyers
“Remember that dancing shark from Katy Perry’s Super Bowl halftime show? A guy in Colorado actually got a tattoo of the shark. That story again: Weed is still legal in Colorado.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer to ‘President Trump’.” – David Letterman
“I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame.” – David Letterman
