“President Obama met with the president of Mexico. When asked what it’s like to govern 100 million Mexican people, Obama said, ‘It can be challenging.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Some more news out of Washington. During a recent interview, a White House adviser said Joe Biden is the reason President Obama got elected both times. Then he said, ‘He’s also the reason we got banned from Applebee’s.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Here in New York City, it’s cold. It’s so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.” – David Letterman
“Congrats to former President George H.W. Bush and his wife Barbara, who celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary yesterday, and it’s actually the longest presidential marriage since John Adams. Or as Barbara calls Adams, ‘my first love’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Some areas near Dallas experienced a 3.5-magnitude earthquake, which some blame on fracking. However, scientists say that it was more likely aftershocks from Chris Christie celebrating at the Cowboys game.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here’s the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke.” – Conan O’Brien
