“Now that the midterm elections are over, President Obama has invited congressional leaders from both parties to a meeting at the White House tomorrow. When asked if he’s nervous, Obama said, ‘Oh, I’m not going to be there. I just invited them over. They can figure it out themselves.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“How about that election night? Here’s the breakdown. The Republicans won the popular vote. The Democrats won the unpopular vote.” – David Letterman
“On Tuesday, Utah Candidate Mia Love became the first black Republican woman elected to Congress. She’s also a Mormon. Yeah, a black female Republican Mormon. Even unicorns are saying, ‘Not buyin’ it.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“After Michael Jordan recently criticized President Obama’s golf game, Obama responded by saying that Jordan should spend more time thinking about his basketball team, the Charlotte Hornets. Then Jordan said, ‘Do you really want to talk about whose team got crushed this week?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“What a day. It’s 53 and gloomy — like President Obama.” – David Letterman
“President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.” – David Letterman
“It’s been announced that a Union soldier who fought at the Battle of Gettysburg in the Civil War will be awarded the Medal of Honor by President Obama over 151 years after his death. Even better, he finally got an appointment at the VA hospital.” – Seth Meyers
“A new study shows that despite previous estimates there are only 2 million rats living in New York City. I guess the other 10 million are commuting from New Jersey.” – Seth Meyers
