Political Irony

“The big news is the midterm elections. Last night Republicans picked up a dozen seats in the House to give them their biggest majority since World War II. Or as they put it, ‘Time to party like it’s 1939!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday was Election Day. If we have any Democrats in the audience, I’m sorry but you’re going to have to give up your seats.” – David Letterman

“Republicans also took control of the Senate after gaining another seven seats. I haven’t seen the GOP get this many seats since Chris Christie made an airline reservation.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The Republican Party had a big day in yesterday’s midterm elections and now controls the House and Senate. And don’t ask me how this happened, but the Republican Party also gained control of three seats in our show’s band.” – Conan O’Brien

“Republicans now have a majority in the Senate and House of Representatives for the first time in eight years. I guess when it was all said and done, the Republicans just had the better lawn signs.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Republicans won enough seats to gain a majority in the Senate and increase their majority in the House. For those Democratic candidates who wanted to distance yourselves from Obama, congratulations. You did.” – Seth Meyers

“Yesterday was Election Day. Republicans picked up a lot of seats and won control of both chambers of Congress. That’s key because whoever controls Congress controls the lunch menu at the cafeteria.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Was the election a drubbing or was it a shellacking? That’s my only question. It’s embarrassing. Even the Washington Redskins are demanding that the Democrats change their name.” – David Letterman

“Thank heaven Election Day is over. No more campaign ads, no more mud-slinging, no more candidates pretending they’re straight. It’s over! ” – Craig Ferguson

“Republican Scott Brown lost his bid for Senate in New Hampshire last night, two years after he was voted out as Senator in Massachusetts. When asked what he was planning to do next, he said, ‘Are they still looking for a mayor in Toronto?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“For the first time ever, a black Republican woman has been elected to Congress. President Obama told her, ‘You are all set. This country never turns against a black anything.'” – Conan O’Brien

“According to data from yesterday’s midterms, only 13 percent of voters were under 30 years old. So America didn’t rock the vote so much as we soft-rocked the vote.” – Seth Meyers

“A lot of issues were on the ballots. In New York City there was Proposition 14. That would put a ceiling on the number of late-night talk shows. And California passed Proposition 21. That would change guacamole officially to ‘guac’.” – David Letterman

“You know what happened today? When is this going to stop? There was another fence jumper at the White House. This time it was Obama trying to get out.” – David Letterman

“For the first time in history, Congress has 100 women in it. Congratulations. Welcome to modern times, America. It’s great having 100 women in Congress. Unless you’re in line for the congressional bathroom.” – Craig Ferguson

“Washington, D.C., voted to legalize recreational marijuana. Vice President Joe Biden celebrated quietly at home, contemplating the infinite nature of the universe.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Imagine Washington, D.C. If you thought Congress didn’t get a lot of work done before, just wait until they get legal pot.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s fantastic that Congress has an increasing number of women. Experts call an increasingly female presence in a previously male space ‘the Bruce Jenner effect’.” – Craig Ferguson

“Clay Aiken ran for Congress in North Carolina. But he didn’t make it. Clay Aiken is famous for coming in second in a TV popularity contest that most people got fed up with years ago. He also lost on ‘American Idol’.” – Craig Ferguson