“President Obama shows up at a press conference and he’s wearing a beige suit. Well, this drives the Republicans crazy. It’s nothing but, ‘How could he?’ and ‘What’s he trying to pull?’ Republicans would just rather have a beige President.” – David Letterman
“Over the weekend the White House chef married an MSNBC news anchor. Or as Fox News reported it, ‘Person who serves the president marries person who serves the president.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Texas Senator Ted Cruz has invited President Obama to play golf on the US-Mexico border. Cruz thought it was a funny way to point out problems the president hasn’t fixed yet. While Obama said, ‘So are we playing or not?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“There is a certain irony to being judged on one’s physical appearance by a group of men who, if you squint, look on a good day like a bowl of dried fruit. I’m not going to name names, but our Senate is filled with people who look like balls.” – Jon Stewart (on Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand’s revelation about the sexual harassment she faced from her congressional colleagues)
“Folks, I do not have to tell you that the world out there is spinning out of control. The Middle East is in flames. Russian troops have crossed into Ukraine. But the biggest news this weekend was the shocking invasion of Boob-istan.” – Stephen Colbert (on the celebrity nude photos scandal)
