“President Obama was giving an interview recently, and get this, he said he thought that Joe Biden would be a good president. When asked why, he was like, ‘Because he’d make me look AMAZING.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“In a recent interview, President Obama said Joe Biden ‘would be a superb president.’ In a related story, Hillary Clinton punched a hole in a door.” – Seth Meyers
“NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden is back in the news. He says the military at the NSA often shared nude photos that Americans had emailed to one another. So if your girlfriend won’t send you naked pictures, just tell her, do it for the troops.” – Conan O’Brien
“Edward Snowden is back with yet another spying scandal. In a new interview, Snowden revealed that NSA employees regularly pass around nude pictures of people they spy on. It got even weirder when German Chancellor Angela Merkel said, ‘So, vat do you think?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Kennedy said let’s put a man on the moon, and by God, 10 years later we put a man on the moon. Yesterday was the 45th anniversary. Nowadays a big deal for us is we combined the croissant and the doughnut to get a cronut.” – David Letterman
“When we landed on the moon everybody remembers what they were doing, and everybody remembers what Neil Armstrong said just before he left the capsule and stepped onto the surface of the moon. He said: ‘Out of my way, Buzz!’ Whack!” – David Letterman
“I heard that Rob Ford’s nephew is planning to run for a seat on the Toronto City Council. He has an interesting campaign slogan: ‘I’m adopted!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“According to a new poll, two-thirds of people in Colorado think it should be illegal to smoke marijuana in public, while the other one-third are still laughing at the word ‘poll’.” – Seth Meyers
