Political Irony

“To avoid being spied on by the NSA, Germany is considering using typewriters now to communicate so we can’t spy on them. Germany says they may even go further back and start using AOL accounts.” – Conan O’Brien

“Congratulations to Germany! They have now won four World Cup soccer championships. But – they are still O for 2 in world wars.” – David Letterman

“So the old Pope from Germany and the present Pope from Argentina got together at the Vatican and watched the World Cup together. We even have the footage – they’re praying over a pizza.” – David Letterman

“Pope Francis is considering repealing celibacy for priests. Priests will no longer have to take a vow of celibacy. See what you can accomplish when you don’t have Congress standing in your way?” – David Letterman

“The border crisis continues. And a new poll shows the majority of Americans disapprove of how President Obama is dealing with immigration. Of course, those numbers could change if he lets more people into America.” – Seth Meyers

“They want to make it so the president can instantly interrupt TV broadcasts whenever there’s breaking news. Then Obama said, ‘And I mean REAL breaking news, not that CNN stuff.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“This crazy weather we’ve been having all over the country — it’s because the polar vortex is back. The polar vortex is causing the Midwest to experience fall-like temperatures. I can’t tell if climate change is still a problem or if God just put the Earth on ‘Shuffle’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“And maybe that’s why the FCC just announced that it wants to overhaul the Emergency Alert System so President Obama would be able to interrupt any TV broadcast and address the country instantly. Which of course raises the question: He can’t do that ALREADY?” – Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new study, one in four Americans admits to not exercising at all. As a result, one in four Americans is actually TWO in four Americans.” – Seth Meyers