“House Majority Leader Eric Cantor lost Virginia’s Republican primary to a Tea Party candidate. And get this. It was revealed that Cantor’s campaign actually spent more money at steakhouses than his opponent spent on his entire campaign. Or as one of my guests tonight put it, ‘So? What’s wrong with that?’ Hey, I’m talking about Chris Rock, not Chris Christie.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Since House Majority Leader Eric Cantor lost to an anti-immigration candidate, many Republicans are feeling pressure to take a harder stance on immigration. In fact, the Republicans are so paranoid, today Chris Christie sent back his chimichanga.” – Conan O’Brien
“Today is the start of the World Cup in Brazil. I know you guys know that. I’m telling Brazil. ‘Hurry up. Finish the stadium!'” – Seth Meyers
“Today was the start of the World Cup. It’s that special time of the year when Americans in bars shrug, ‘Well, I guess we’re watching this now.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The World Cup starts today, which means you’re all about to find out which of your friends lived in Europe for a year.” – Seth Meyers
“Hey, America’s in the World Cup. Did you even know that? Experts say they have less than a 1 percent chance of winning the World Cup, and even their coach said winning is not realistic — all of which sounds like one hell of a pre-game pep talk.” – Conan O’Brien
“The U.S. is scheduled to play Germany soon at the World Cup. President Obama and German Chancellor Angela Merkel already have a bet going. The loser keeps Hasselhoff.” – Craig Ferguson
“The Russians will probably do well at the World Cup. Today Vladimir Putin gave the Russian team a motivational speech. He said, ‘Remember, if you can’t beat ’em – invade ’em.'” – Craig Ferguson
“George H.W. Bush turned 90 today and he celebrated by jumping out of a plane. Isn’t that cool? So if you include Obama there were two presidents in freefall today.” – Conan O’Brien
“Father’s Day is just a few days away. And in a new interview President Obama said that he is a fun dad who teeters on the edge of embarrassing his kids. Because nothing says you’re a fun dad like SAYING you’re a fun dad.” – Jimmy Fallon
“According to a new study, the number of car crashes linked to marijuana has risen. Fortunately, when the cars crashed they were all going eight miles per hour.” – Conan O’Brien
