“The Olympics are winding down in Sochi, and the Russian Olympic Committee says one of the giant Olympic rings that malfunctioned during the opening ceremony will be working for the closing ceremony. So it looks like Russia will be ready for the start of the Winter Olympics by the END of the Winter Olympics.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Are you watching the Olympics? Whenever I’m watching one of these weird events, I ask myself if this wasn’t in the Olympics, would I still be watching it? And the answer is always no.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The one-man luge makes sense because it’s just a guy on a sled and whoever goes the fastest wins. But what doesn’t make sense is the two-man luge. There’s only room for one man on the luge. The other guy has to lay on top of him. It’s a bunk bed but without the second bed.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“What’s the point to two men for a luge event? Why not three or four? Why not stack them up? Imagine 15 guys piled up.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Some critics are saying the U.S. and Canadian women’s hockey teams are so good that it’s unfair to the other teams. That sounds like something my Mom said after some of my Little League games.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Two former members of the Russian punk band Pussy Riot were detained by police in Sochi. If found guilty, they could be sentenced to two weeks in a Sochi hotel room.” – Conan O’Brien
“Making his first visit to our show tonight is Bill O’Reilly. Bill is here to promote his book ‘Killing Jesus’. I’m going to have to tell him someone else sold a book on that subject and it sold quite well.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“It’s been reported in the news that President Obama asked HBO for copies of the upcoming season of ‘Game of Thrones.’ You know things are bad in this country when even the White House can’t afford HBO.” – Conan O’Brien
