“In spite of being a terrible game, the Super Bowl was the most watched TV event in history. So apparently it’s true — if we do start televising executions, people will watch.” –Jay Leno
“The Broncos got beaten really bad — and we still won’t know until we find the black box exactly what went wrong.” – David Letterman
“With all the hoopla over the Super Bowl, did you know Sunday was Groundhog Day? What happened was the groundhog saw his shadow and then kept watching it. He thought it would be more exciting than watching that stupid Super Bowl.” –Jay Leno
“So we have the Broncos, and Jay Leno is leaving the “Tonight Show” — what a week for turnovers, huh?” – David Letterman
“People were partying in Seattle on Sunday night after the game. They were singing, they were laughing, they were hugging complete strangers, dancing in the streets. Basically, the same thing they’ve done every night in Seattle since they legalized marijuana.” – Jay Leno
“People are worried that Sochi in Russia is not ready for the Olympics. They have a mall there where the only store that’s currently open is a Cinnabon – or as Americans refer to it, a mall that caters to all of our needs.” – Conan O’Brien
“Facebook is 10 years old today. You know who else is celebrating a birthday today? Eric Garcetti, the mayor of Los Angeles. Facebook and Los Angeles are very different. One was considered cool a long time ago but is still a good place to waste time with fake friends — and the other one is Facebook.” – Craig Ferguson
“Actually, Mark Zuckerberg started Facebook. He was a 19-year-old student in a hoodie. Now he’s a 29-year-old billionaire in a hoodie.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“More than anyone, Mark Zuckerberg revolutionized the way we avoid doing work in this country.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Hillary Clinton is encouraging Hispanic families to read to their kids. She’s also telling Asian families to ease up on the math so the rest of us can catch up.” – Conan O’Brien
