“NASA has successfully tested a broadband communications system that’s built into the lunar atmosphere explorer probe. It sends data to and from the moon at the rate of 622 megabits per second. To the moon and back in a second. In a related story, the Obamacare website is still down.” – Jay Leno
“I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don’t think I’m doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold ‘Em.” – Jay Leno
“The White House now says the Obamacare website will be fixed by the end of November. So if your doctor has only given you three weeks to live, sorry pal.” – Jay Leno
“Another scandal with the National Security Agency, the NSA. You know how they’ve been accused of spying on Americans? Well, it just came out that they actually spied on 35 world leaders. Yeah, it was 34 prime ministers and Oprah.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A new report found that 700 IRS employees owe a combined $5.4 million in back taxes. When IRS workers got the news, they said, ‘Oh man, I hope I don’t find out about this!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you’re one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right.” – Jimmy Fallon
