“The president cancelled a fundraising trip to California next week because of the Syria situation. That’s when you know this is serious.” – Jay Leno
“On Tuesday President Obama is planning to address the nation. Instead of calling his plan to attack Syria ‘a war’, he is calling it a ‘limited military intervention’ — which sounds better than ‘potential endless quagmire’.” – Jay Leno
“Secretary of State John Kerry said that Arab countries have offered to pay the entire cost of unseating Syria’s president if we take the lead militarily. They will pay for the whole thing. See, this is how global politics works. We invade Syria to get money from Saudi Arabia that they got from us for putting their oil in our Japanese cars so we can pay back China all the money we owe them.” – Jay Leno
“John Kerry said during the Senate hearing that we are not the world’s policemen. Really, then how come we eat most of the world’s doughnuts?” – Jay Leno
“President Obama is in Russia. You know what he’s doing there? I think he’s seeking asylum.” – Jay Leno
“The NFL season kicked off last night. Football is for people who can’t stand politics but still enjoy watching millionaires destroy each other.” – Craig Ferguson
“Anthony Weiner did the weather forecast on Fox’s local morning show, ‘Good Day New York’. Which was fine until he started pointing out parts of the country without using his hands.” – Jimmy Fallon
