“Welcome to a very special edition of ‘The Tonight Show.’ The White House announced that in the coming days, President Obama will be reaching out to Americans who have lost their jobs. In fact, that’s why he’s here with me tonight. He’s talking to me personally.” – Jay Leno
“As our studio audience knows, the security today was incredible. In fact, first lady Michelle Obama already had the Secret Service sweep the president’s dressing room for chips, pizza, ice cream – any kind of snack, donut, any kind of sweets.” – Jay Leno
“This weekend President Obama celebrated his 52nd birthday. For his birthday, Michelle Obama jumped out of a cake and told him he’s not allowed to have any.” – Conan O’Brien
“Happy birthday to President Obama! He turned 52 over the weekend. You can see he is getting a little grayer. In fact, they are starting to call him ‘The Silver Fox.’ That’s because most of the silver in his hair was caused by Fox.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama celebrated his 52nd birthday yesterday. You can tell he’s getting older because he no longer supports President Obama.” – Jimmy Fallon
“All our best to former President George W. Bush, who is recovering from successful heart surgery today. All day the media have been sending get-well wishes to President Bush. Fox News sent flowers. MSNBC sent a steak and cheese fries. ” – Jay Leno
“Photos of the royal baby’s birth certificate have surfaced. Kate’s occupation on the document is listed as ‘princess’. It’s always inspiring to me when a new mother decides to remain in the workplace.” – Conan O’Brien
“The Boston Globe newspaper has been sold for $70 million, even though 20 years ago it went for $1.1 billion. I couldn’t believe that story when I saw it for free on the Internet.” – Jimmy Fallon
