“President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing.” – Jay Leno
“NSA leaker Edward Snowden has filed for asylum in Russia, but Vladimir Putin is against it. You know, if Snowden really wants to stay in Russia he should just speak out against Putin. He’ll get to stay in Russia the rest of his life.” – Jay Leno
“Russian President, Vladimir Putin rode a submarine to the bottom of the ocean to look at the remains of an old shipwreck. And also because ‘SpongeBob knows too much’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Rush Limbaugh claims he is now allowed to say the N-word. After hearing this, Paula Deen said, ‘Let me know how that works out for you.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Pope Francis is on summer vacation right now and apparently he’s been spotted driving around in a Ford Focus. So I guess he takes that vow of celibacy very seriously.” – Jimmy Fallon
