Political Irony

“According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it’s not enough to spy on American citizens, they feel they have to spy on FUTURE American citizens as well.” – Jay Leno

“America has lost the title of the fattest nation on earth. We are now only the second-fattest nation. We lost the title to Mexico. Isn’t that amazing? We are so fat and lazy now that we’re too fat and lazy to be number one at being fat and lazy.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama’s approval rating is down to 44 percent. You can tell Obama’s getting desperate because today he gave a speech entitled ‘Hey, guys, the Twinkie is coming back next week’.” – Conan O’Brien

“Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they’re talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don’t seem so greedy anymore, do they?” – Jay Leno

“Residents of northeast Colorado, which is much more rural than the rest of the state, don’t think they’re properly represented so they want to break the state into two pieces. This is what happens when you legalize marijuana. Everyone gets all paranoid and tries to secede.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The idea is to divide Colorado into two states, and they want to call the new state North Colorado. If you’re going to go to the trouble of creating a new state, give it a cool name like ‘Danger Zone’, or ‘Colorado 2: The Reckoning’.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“They have about as much chance of seceding from Colorado as Chuck-E has to secede from Cheese.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Political experts say that Eliot Spitzer’s decision to return to politics could hurt Anthony Weiner’s chances of becoming mayor. Or as Spitzer put it, ‘See? I’m making things better already.'” – Jimmy Fallon