“It is a great day, of course, for supporters of gay marriage. Congratulations to same-sex couples. You can now be as miserable as everybody else.” – Craig Ferguson
“Yesterday, the Supreme Court opened the door for same-sex marriage to resume in California. Apparently, the judges were really swayed by that Liberace movie.” – Jay Leno
“If you really don’t want gay people to get married, you shouldn’t ban gay marriage. You should ban gay divorce.” – Craig Ferguson
“Now that the Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act, this ruling means California gay guys can finally marry someone other than Liza Minnelli.” – Jay Leno
“It’s gay pride week here in New York City. Here’s how you can tell. The construction workers are hooting at EACH OTHER.” – David Letterman
“It’s been a bit of a week for the Supreme Court. Yesterday they ruled that it’s okay for gay people to get married. Today, they ruled it’s okay for straight people to rollerblade.” – Craig Ferguson
“And then of course they have the big gay pride parade. I’m going as Cindi Lauper. The gay pride parade starts on West 12th Street and ends in Sarah Jessica Parker’s walk-in shoe closet.” – David Letterman
“President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn’t worked here – so try it somewhere else.” – Jay Leno
“The Girl Scouts announced that their pension plan has a $347 million deficit. The Girl Scouts are $347 million in debt so in addition to teaching girls about camping it also is preparing them for careers in government.” – Jay Leno
