“Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively quit quitting. She can’t even commit to being uncommitted.” – John Oliver
“President Obama is now in Ireland for the big G8 summit. Security for the overseas presidential trip is unbelievable. He has 14 limousines, trucks loaded with sheets of bullet proof glass to cover the hotel windows, and fighter jets flying in shifts. That’s to protect the president. Joe Biden gets a pair of running shoes and a can of pepper spray.” – Jay Leno
“Edward Snowden is the guy who leaked all of the NSA secrets. He had a 98-minute press conference today and yet they can’t find the guy. This is the biggest manhunt since Martha Stewart started online dating.” – David Letterman
“This day marks the 42nd anniversary of the war on drugs. Today our partners in Mexico observed it with a moment of silence followed by hours of laughter.” – Jay Leno
