Political Irony

[Believe it or not, this is the 1000th posting of Late Night Political Humor! – iron knee]

“Obama decided we’re going to arm the rebels in Syria. Yes! This is why I voted for Obama in the first place, so he could carry out McCain’s bad ideas.” – Bill Maher

“The great news about getting into another war in the Middle East is that the next one’s free.” – Bill Maher

“Syrian President Assad crossed a red line. He used chemical weapons. Using harmful chemicals to hurt your own people – who does he think he is, Monsanto?” – Bill Maher

“The Taliban is now recruiting women to become suicide bombers. And it’s not easy to qualify. The women must be able to push a car loaded with explosives because, as you know, they’re not allowed to drive over there.” – Jay Leno

“The NSA whistleblower revealed himself – Edward Snowden, a 29-yer-old high school dropout computer nerd with a pole-dancing girlfriend, who says he can wiretap anyone in the world, including the president. I find this shocking. A computer nerd with a girlfriend?” – Bill Maher

“Edward Snowden, the 29-year-old guy behind this NSA spy scandal, said in an interview that he is not in hiding. Which would have carried a lot more weight if he hadn’t made the announcement from an undisclosed secret location.” – Jay Leno

“This is the same surveillance that was happening under Bush, but under Obama it’s somehow a huge outrage on the right. Republicans didn’t care about Big Brother until we elected a big brotha.” – Bill Maher

“The politics on this are all scrambled up. You talk about strange bedfellows. Dianne Feinstein and John Boehner are together on this. They say (Snowden) is a traitor. Michael Moore and Glenn Beck are together on this. They say he’s a hero. This is the Republicans’ worst nightmare. They don’t know who to hate. They hate Obama but they love spying. It’s like hearing an illegal immigrant had an abortion.” – Bill Maher

“Ever since the government’s spying scandal was exposed, sales of the novel ‘1984’ have jumped 6,000 percent on Amazon. Yeah, ‘1984’ shows how scary it would be if society tracked everything you do. And if you want to read it, just buy it on a website that tracks everything you do.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday President Obama spoke at the LGBT pride month celebration at the White House. He promised that as long as he is president, all Americans, regardless of their sexual orientation, will be spied on equally.” – Jay Leno

“Bill Clinton has been acting weird lately. I don’t know why, but it started the day Michael Douglas said you can get cancer from cunnilingus.” – Bill Maher

“Superman is played by Henry Cavil, who is British. I’m not sure why all our iconic American figures are being played by foreigners. We’ve got a Superman from Britain, a Batman from Britain, a Spider-Man from Britain, and a president from Kenya.” – Craig Ferguson

“President Obama is traveling to Africa later this month, and it’s got some people upset because the trip is expected to cost taxpayers more than 60 million dollars. It’s mostly for security, hotel accommodations – plus Biden wants a giraffe.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Last night the Democrats beat Republicans 22-0 in the Congressional Baseball Game. Yeah, the Republicans were so bad at baseball, that today they’re starting to rethink immigration.” – Jimmy Fallon