“The mystery is over. After a month of waiting, it turns out that an 84-year-old woman in Florida has won the $590 million Powerball lottery. As for how much tax she’s going to have to pay, the IRS said it’s too early to tell because they don’t know whether she’s a Republican or Democrat.” – Jay Leno
“The IRS spent $4 million on a conference in Anaheim that included luxury hotel suites, passes to theme parks, and tickets to sporting events. They say they’re not sure of the exact amount they spent because they didn’t keep any receipts. I think Wesley Snipes is saying, ‘Hey, what about me? I didn’t have my receipts’.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama has called on Congress to pass a media shield law that would allow reporters to do their job without fear of government prosecution. Don’t we already have that? It’s called the First Amendment.” – Jay Leno
“Last night at a fundraiser in Washington, First Lady Michele Obama got into a heated face-to face confrontation with a heckler who turned out to be a lesbian. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said this story just keeps on getting hotter and hotter.” – Conan O’Brien
“According to CNN, former Sen. John Edwards is planning to open up a new law firm. John Edwards going back to work as an attorney. I guess he figured he was lying so much anyway, he might as well start getting paid for it.” – Jay Leno
