“It has not been a good week for President Obama. You’ve got Benghazi, the IRS scandal, this AP records scandal, and, worst of all, his Chicago Bulls got eliminated by the Miami Heat. Do you know what that means? LeBron James is going to get audited by the IRS.” – Jay Leno
“I was outside today for a little bit. I was sweating like President Obama at a press conference.” – David Letterman
“That last joke has been seized by the Department of Justice.” – David Letterman
“President Obama announced the appointment of a new acting commissioner of the IRS – the other guy was fired. See, they’re called ‘acting commissioner’ because you have to act like the scandal doesn’t involve the White House.” – Jay Leno
“The IRS has a new boss after it came out they unfairly targeted tea party groups. The president says the new IRS chief is not only good with numbers, but he has more integrity than the last guy. It’s Bernie Madoff.” – Craig Ferguson
“Eagles’ offensive lineman Evan Mathis posted a picture on Instagram that shows him relieving himself on an IRS building with a caption that says, ‘Audit this!’ Or as the IRS said, ‘OK, see you tomorrow at noon.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A lot of critics are now comparing President Obama to President Nixon. The good news for Obama? At least he’s no longer being compared to President Carter.” – Jay Leno
“Today the White House released 99 pages of emails on trouble in Benghazi – and one shirtless tweet from Anthony Weiner.” – David Letterman
“This week will mark the 37th time House Republicans have tried to repeal Obamacare. If Republicans really wanted to do away with Obamacare they should just endorse it as a conservative non-profit and let the IRS take it down.” – Jay Leno
“This week, Oscar Mayer introduced a new hot dog with bacon cooked right into it. Or as Chris Christie put it, ‘Is it possible to reverse that lap-band procedure?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A 7-year-old boy wrote a letter to the vice president. He wrote: ‘I think guns should shoot chocolate bullets so no one will get killed and no one will be sad.’ Guns that shoot chocolate bullets would be a great way to liven up an Easter egg hunt, wouldn’t it?” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The sad part is that’s the first letter Joe Biden has received since he took office.” – Jimmy Kimmel
