“Two prostitutes from the Dominican Republic say that New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez paid them for sex. And Menendez is in big trouble because as you know it is a felony to impersonate a Secret Service agent.” – Jay Leno
“Hispanics and Republicans go together like beans and very very white rice that is highly suspicious of the beans.” – Stephen Colbert (on Republican claims that the Hispanic vote should belong to the GOP)
“A new study just came out and it reveals that straight men who watch porn are more likely to support same-sex marriage. The study also found that straight men who don’t watch porn are lying.” – Conan O’Brien
“Last night was one of the highest rated Super Bowls ever, with 108 million people watching. This year’s game added $430 million to the New Orleans economy — apparently none of which was used to pay the electric bill.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A power outage during a Super Bowl in Louisiana — but don’t worry. FEMA said they will be there no later than Thursday.” – David Letterman
“The lights in the Superdome went out for 33 minutes at the beginning of the third quarter. The 49ers were just standing around on the field, not knowing what to do — and then the blackout happened.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The lights went out in the third quarter, which is weird because normally I don’t experience a blackout until after a Super Bowl party.” – Jimmy Fallon
“U.S. employers just added 157,000 jobs to the economy. Of course, most of those were for backup dancers for Beyoncé.” – Conan O’Brien
“Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he would like to become the first Iranian to go into space. And today Israel said, ‘Flight’s on us! No problem. We’ve got everything covered.'” – Jay Leno
