“The Senate has overwhelmingly approved John Kerry as the next Secretary of State. In his farewell speech today to the Senate, Kerry spoke for 51 minutes. So, apparently he does believe in torture.” – Jay Leno
“We have a new secretary of state, John Kerry, former senator from Massachusetts. For four years Hillary Clinton served as the secretary of state, and in a moving ceremony today Hillary official turned over the pants suit.” – David Letterman
“John Kerry is the first white male to hold that job since 1997. So finally middle-aged white guys with gray hair are breaking through the glass ceiling.” – Jay Leno
“Yesterday President Obama went to Las Vegas and spoke about his new immigration plan. Afterwards he was harshly criticized by the locals for speaking in English.” – Jay Leno
“Zimbabwe’s finance minister revealed yesterday that his country has only $217 left in the government Treasury. Today President Obama said, ‘Stop bragging!'” – Jay Leno
