Political Irony

“Congressman Ryan prepared for Thursday’s debate by studying policy and holding practice debates, and I think Biden prepared by shot gunning Red Bull and watching Yosemite Sam cartoons.” – Seth Meyers

“Joe Biden actually interrupted Paul Ryan 82 times during the vice-presidential debate. Even the ladies from ‘The View’ were like, ‘Dude — wait your turn!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Look how happy old grampa Joe Biden’s made liberals! Last night he ate Eddie Munster’s lunch.” – Bill Maher

“I’m your host, Jimmy Fallon, and I’m going to try to tell these jokes before Joe Biden interrupts me.” – Jimmy Fallon

“During Thursday’s debate Vice President Biden repeatedly criticized Paul Ryan’s statements calling them a ‘bunch of stuff.’ In fairness, ‘a bunch of stuff’ is the entire text of the Romney/Ryan economic plan.” – Seth Meyers

“We learned a lot about Joe Biden’s policies last night. As you know, he has come out very, very strongly against malarkey.” – Jay Leno

“Paul Ryan accused Joe Biden of underdeveloped triceps.” – David Letterman

“I was watching TV last night, and I see this stupid infomercial for Crest Whitestrips that goes on for like an hour and a half with this guy just smiling. Then I realize it’s Joe Biden. I’m watching the debate.” – Jay Leno

“There were a couple of really funny jokes during the debate. Like when Paul Ryan referred to the Saudis as our allies, and the way Biden kept referring to Ryan as ‘my friend.'” – Jay Leno

“Last night was the vice-presidential debate. Jim Lehrer, who moderated the first debate, wanted to watch at home but he lost control of the remote.” – David Letterman

“I am still not over that last presidential debate and how Obama performed. I have not seen a Democratic president look that complacent and entitled since Clinton made Monica blow him while he was on the phone.” – Bill Maher

“I thought Biden was awesome. During the whole debate, I kept thinking to myself, ‘I hope he keeps that very nice sleepy black guy on the ticket.'” – Bill Maher

“Biden aggressively contested nearly every claim his opponent made during their debate. Then President Obama was like, ‘Wait — you’re allowed to do that?’ – Jimmy Fallon

“The Obama campaign has a new strategy. They’ve gone from ‘hope and change’ to ‘smirk and giggle.'” – Jay Leno

“Liberals were freaking out this week and they were borderline suicidal, which is tough on them because when you lock yourself in the garage with the Prius running, nothing happens.” – Bill Maher

“Isn’t it amazing? All Moderate Mitt had to do was change his long-held views on everything that he’s ever said. Now he believes whatever you believe, and the polls show we like that. Forget integrity. Forget courage. What we want is a president who is 100 percent our bitch.” – Bill Maher

“One example: Mitt Romney was against gay rights, then he was for them, now he’s against them again. Or as it’s known in political circles, the Andersen Cooper 360.” – Bill Maher

“In an interview Wednesday Mitt Romney, who had previously stated he would not introduce legislation limiting abortion, vowed that he would still be a ‘pro-life president.’ Which makes sense because Romney defines ‘life’ as anybody making over 250,000 dollars a year.” – Seth Meyers

“Romney took two different sides on abortion within 24 hours this week. There are shorter waiting periods for actual abortions.” – Bill Maher

“But in his defense, the abortion issue is very personal to Mitt Romney. His own mother considered not having him when doctors told her he would be born heartless and spineless.” – Bill Maher

“Mitt Romney on Tuesday once again tried to distance himself from his infamous 47 percent comments, saying, ‘the words that came out were not what I meant.’ And if that sounds like a good excuse to you, try it on your girlfriend.” – Seth Meyers

“Yesterday was National Coming Out Day, a day set aside for people to embrace and announce who they really are. Your move, Mitt Romney.” – Bill Maher

“Chris Christie was in Ohio stumping for Mitt Romney. It was felt as far north as Canada.” – David Letterman

“It was reported today that Lindsay Lohan is leaning toward Romney, and she also said she might vote for him.” – Bill Maher